Trying to organize myself, finding myself, deciding what goes where, and realizing I am no where.

I am uncertain. I hate uncertainity. Sure I don’t mind risk, but to an extent. I calculate my risks, or maybe I am under the false impression that I am good at it. I want to move on, I don’t yet know where. Where I will go, where I am. I need to see where I am, but I can’t find myself.

Of late I feel destroyed, but not explosively. Almost deconstructed, taken apart, bit by bit, helplessly watching myself, being eliminated, being wiped away.

I also need to try and find out the truth in my own thoughts. I am good at lying, but I think I’ve been lying to myself all along. I am only human. I hope I am.

This post has been about me. All about me. But where am I? What am I? I have just been eliminated. Maybe, there is somewhere I can find myself, somewhere i belong, somewhere I exist.

I am tired of searching for that place.